May 19, 2004

  • --------HERE ARE THE FIRST 2 PARAGRAPHS OF "FAT BOY"------- 


    He’s standing in front of Spaghetti Eddies.  A fat tub of lard.  A fat cheeked smile as he waits for the customers to start arriving.  He’s six feet tall, size seventeen shoes, with that tub of lard fat fiberglass belly.  He stands there with his stupid fiberglass fat chef’s hat on his big fat head.  His hippo face is staring and smiling.  His big fat fingers hold onto the peeling red-and-white-checkered apron on the rusty, white, collared, button-up long sleeve shirt that squeezes the fat of his belly that pushes the shirt that pushes the apron that pushes the hands like a helium balloon.  If only he would float away.  But his belly is full of cheese and pasta and beef and fat and lard and gas, but not that kind of gas that’s lighter than air.  That fat smiling fat ass. 


    There’s a boot on the sidewalk, an ugly, faded, creased, paisley-patterned, little girl’s blue cowboy boot.  It’s there so I throw it at his fat face.   


  • this is the cover of my senior seminar in writing project.  aka my senior thesis.  it consists of three short stories that add up to 38 pages entitled "At 14," "The Terrible Fly," and "Fat Boy."  Plus like 6 1/2 pages of introduction or something like that.  as you can probably tell, the title is "Damsels, Nymphs, & Ladies."  i'll come back and update this later with excerpts from each story or something. 

  • the honors banquet was last night.  was kinda rushed setting up, but it turned out beautifully.  we picked orange and magenta as the colors and it was gorgeous.  the food was pretty good, too.  oh, apparently i have a 3.94 and 4 A+'s (according to heineman, who i guess looked at my transcripts before introducing me).  it was so sad.  he's usually mean to me and he was actually nice in his introduction, which means that the school year is over.  does that make sense?  well he started the speech off saying that he was up for several nights thinking of mean things to say about me and that he'd share it in private with anyone who was interested.  i'm gonna miss my professors!!!  so here are some pics from the banquet:




    that's me with my honors certificate and cord.  in the lower right hand corner is amar; he's such a sweet guy.  and the lady in the back is our dean--our first female dean, who just completed her first year.



    that's sara, one of my buddies, me, and dr. crawford, one of the awesomely awesome english professors.  she was complaining about taking pics.



    that's my dad,  my mom,  dr. heineman (the one who's mean to me and had our final paper due the next day by noon), mama sue (my dad's mom), me, and louie (whose shirt is untucked because he's wearing micah's pants because he grabbed the wrong ones and had to hook the clip onto a belt loop and use giant paperclips to secure them).



     


    that's me, kim (my super fresh boss), dr. deist (my middle ages: age of chivalry professor; she has the cuted german accent and her voice is really soft), and sara again



    that's viola (my other nerdy buddy, she has the coolest giggle; she's holding one of the boxes we made for the graduating folks), me, dr. heineman, and sara; did i mention that viola and sara are my fellow english major, honors program in the humanities, only-drink-when-i'm-around-them friends?


    so i finished my last final and emailed it to my professor at 11:57am (it was due by noon).  then i fixed the stupid bibliography because i forgot to include the texts that i actually wrote on.  then i printed all but one page because my printer ran out of ink.  then i had to clean the print heads and realign the nozzles.  then i printed the last page out.  then i woke my honey up and coaxed him to drive me to school and drop off the hard copy and a couple articles i thought dr. heineman would enjoy.  i bought him comics and 2 for me =).  when heineman saw me he had like this scowl on his face because he thought my paper was late, but i was like "i emailed it to you... but i fixed the bibliography" and he was like "oh okay, so i don't have to print it" and i was like "yeah... i was up since 3."  the title of my final paper, the last paper of my undergraduate career at USF (unless i go back and get another BA or a BS or something here):  "Sexual Stunting, Incestuous Pregenital BDSM, and the Loss of Masculinity in Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis."  I don't really remember if it was very coherent or not.  It was supposed to be 2000-3000 words, but it ended up being more like 6,600, so I dunno.  I hope it isn't full of rambling.  There are some sizeable quotes in there.  so sad.  no more work.  it's a relief, but it's like, now that it's over, what do i do with myself??? 

May 18, 2004

  • the honors banquet is tomorrow at 6pm (in approximately 7 1/2 hours)
    my honors paper is due wednesday before 12pm (in approximately 2.5 days and 1/2 an hour--ack!!!)
    the commement mass on thursday at 6pm (which is in 3.5 days and 1/2 an hour)
    the commencement ceremony is on friday at 9am (which is in 4 days and 9 1/2 hours)


    okay, off to read the secondary sources for my final paper.  my last paper.  my last final.  help me, help me not decide to piss it off!!!! 

May 15, 2004

  • so many fonts... so many colors!  it took me a while to find a combo of blue and orange that was not so hard on the eyes.  i think this font works with the scheme, non? 


    this the poem that got honorable mention in the english department contest (it was from a poetry class i took in like spring 20o1 i think):


    On Page Twenty-Six


     


    On page twenty-six,


    in book twenty-six,


    we start our journey seven-hundred and fifty years back.


    We greet Sundiata the great


    hero, sun of West Africa,


    king of Mandingo,


    founder of Mali,


    foundation layer


    for an empire stretching


    from the Atlantic to Nigeria.


     


    He leads us down


    to the Sundrop, which tries to lure


    us through the Atlantic


    and past Europe


    to the Evening Primrose—its true identity—


    which we avert by swimming down


    to join the Sunfish:


     


    the big mouth bass, the small mouth bass—


    they get aggressive in spawning—


    the blue gill, the green, the pumpkin seed—


    the male fish guard the babies—


    the crappies, the dwarfs, the hybridized—


    whose lives can span 10 years.


     


    For a breath,


    to break from the water


    and the crowding school of thirty species,


    we ascend the Kansas state flower,


    whose seeds we eat, whose oil we use for salad and margarine


     


    and candy—Better than roses: we have two gifts in one,


    and just imagine how amazing,


    a bouquet of flowers fifteen feet tall.


     


    We finish our snacks and practical romancing


    to scale down


    the yellow flower that turns to the light


    into the blossoming Sung Dynasty


    where the Chinese flourish—


    artsy: poetry, porcelain, painting;


    money: farming, trading, and tech.


     


    Until we’re invaded


    by Kublai Khan and must


    make our escape


    down the Sungari.


     


    We float


    carried by the Heavenly River,


    the waters of the Chinese Sanghwa Kiang


    that brings us through the Changpai Mountains


    to the tributary’s end at Fuyi.


    Then we say our goodbyes


    toSundiata and Sundrops,


    to Sunfish and Sunflowers,


    and to the Sung Dynasty which finds


    its end where our journey


    concludes on page twenty-seven.


     


     


    this is what the judge, Robin Ekiss, said about it:


     


    “On Page Twenty-Six” has an ambitious historical scope that’s tempered in its frame by the musicality of words and the cleverness of a keenly observed language at play in the world.


     


     


    My paper that got honorable mention in the critical essay category was "Capsizing Christian Doctrine:  The Heavenly Virtues of Satan in Milton's Paradise Lost", it's too long to post here and i'm sure a lot of people would not go through the pain of reading through it, but what the judge, Kristen Kennedy, had to say will give you the gist of the paper:


     


    The writer took on the enjoyable task of revealing Satan’s complexity as a character in Milton’s Paradise Lost to highlight a reading of the “juxtaposition of evil and virtue” that runs against most traditional interpretations of the Fall. The strength here is in the writer’s careful treatment of several key passages to create a sympathetic reading of Satan. Contrary to Christian doctrine, he is, as the writer portrays, a tragic figure charged with the burden of safeguarding the welfare of his followers who have rejected God.


     


     


    this is the picture that got accepted into the Ignatian Literary Magazine (my school's mag), it's called "Clutter":


     




     

    this is the poem that got accepted into the Ignatian:

     

    Nine Days after Chemotherapy


    in a January Twilight


     


    Oatmeal thinned


    by too much


    milk and toast with


    barely


    a tear of crust missing.


    Your legs—once so swollen


    you didn’t


    have ankles and blisters bubbled


    on your thighs and burst—


    are as small


    as my forearms and your arms


    are as small


    as my wrists.


     


    And the moaning


    and the low cries feel cold


    in the buzzing of too late


    to be night,


    too early for mourning.


     


    I want to make you


    delirious with morphine.


    So your pupils dilate and you grin.


    I’d press against a wall of needles


    and sever


    all feeling, if it meant


    your bruised arms


    would finally heal.


     


     


    this is the piece that got accepted in the Thacher Student Show, "Meditating on the Annunciation":

     


May 14, 2004

  • it's 2:42am and I'm supposed to be at Lone Mountain by 8:30am tomorrow for the senior seminar conference.  i've been up editing a story--i actually finished one and it only took a year!--and practicing it for my reading tomorrow. and dammit, my fobby accent started coming out again.  why do we have to read for 10 minutes???  i guess it's good practice or whatever because if i were to become a published writer, i would have to promote my stuff by reading it out loud at bookstores and stuff.  sheesh.  guess what? i graduate in one week (and 6 hours)!  it's scary.  it's sad.  i'm not sure if i'm ready.  i can't believe i had my last undergraduate class today.  saturday is mine and louie's 5 year anniversary.  that's a long time, but not so long in the greater scope of things, i guess.  it's crazy how much stuff built up during the last month of school.  i didn't really have time to stop and think about leaving USF.  i've become so attached to my school and the closer it gets to me having to leave... man.   

May 13, 2004

  • feeling fine...


    i got up at 4:50am this morning and have been up since, though I will probably soon be asleep.  just got back from the english department banquet--some pretty good chinese food for 3 bucks!--and having ice cream with the honey, sara, viola, professor crawford and her partner professor spector, and professor heineman.  it was fun chatting it up with my teachers; it reminds me how lucky i am to have professors that i can just chill with and who understand what's going on with my personal life as well as my academic stuff.  and guess what?  i got honorable mention in the english department contest for two categories:  poetry (which i so needed to validate myself as a poet) and critical essay (which makes me feel like i can do this final honors paper).  so i didn't get fiction or creative non-fiction, but that's all good.  fiction is my senior seminar project and my non-fiction poem is in the ignatian literary magazine.  whoo!  getting 2 honorable mentions was better than winning 1 (though 1 win and 1 honorable mention would've rocked, too ), plus i got 2 books:  "Good Poems" and "The Best American Nonrequired Reading."  for once, "not the best, but good in several" feels awesome.  man, i'm sad that i'm graduating in 9 days.  well technically, less than 9 days, more like 8 1/2 days.  it's scary.


    made a decision.  i will not do a real job-job this summer.  i will, instead, work for Dr. Fung as a research assistant/teaching assistant, possibly also work in the English Department office, and maybe be an RA whore to whomever else needs me.  i will also be working as a tour guide for the admissions office.  hopefully, i will be accepted into a San Francisco placement for Americorps and that runs from september to august (which has a good stipend and an education reward at the end of service).  i might try to do a second year or maybe a paid internship or work work.  i'm also seriously considering a child development associate degree, which i may be able to pursue while doing americorp.  it feels good not to be thrust into the job world right away and i'm happy to be able to hang around USF a bit more.  gosh i'm going to miss it here.     

May 11, 2004

  • finally got out of bed at 7:20am, washed up, dressed up, printed out the lesson plan for my workshop, and made shakes for breakfast.  left the apartment at 7:40am and walked 5 blocks to the bus stop to meet up with Roseanne.  took the 33 (which goes through the Richmond district, Haight, Twin Peaks, Downtown-ish, Castro) to the Mission District.  walked from the bus stop to the school we volunteer at.  had our workshop, photocopied their work, and walked to the bus stop.  got on the 10:20am bus back to the richmond district.  the bus didn't stop at the stop for which we pulled the cord.  but it did stop in front of village pizzeria.  had brunch and bought louie a personal pizza.  walked home and got my stuff ready for reading later tonight and read the books for my honors class.  had first half of class then we moved to the student-run cafe and amar paid for drinks/snacks for us (i had a scoop of espresso chip ice cream on a cake cone) and finished class--no more honors classes for me.  walked home and spent 20 minutes with louie before he had to leave for his honors class.  made a sandwich for lunch, checked the bus schedule, and practiced reading my poems.  left for the bus at 6:40pm and rode the 38 down to 20th avenue, then walked to california and 21st street to the bazaar cafe.  nervousness/pressure/tiredness headache began to set in along with nervousness.  drank green tea.  bought my first beer--corona.  drank some of sara's water.  listened to MFA students, listened to leah, then read my stuff.  then listened to sara, dan, and joe.  got a copy of the ignatian.  chatted it up and waited for my body temperature to go down.  left at 9:21pm and walked back to geary, swinging a bouquet of carnations roseanne got me--she's so sweet--to use as a weapon in case someone tried to mug me during my jaunt up the dimly lit streets.  waited for the 38 and sat diagonally across from a crazy-ish old guy.  finally got off, walked to the apartment, and got home at 9:40pm.  tired.  so tired.  9am class tomorrow.    

May 7, 2004

  • did you know that brad pitt injured his achilles tendon during filming?  ahahahahahah! 

May 6, 2004

  • ---UPDATED---


    lately i've just had the strangest feeling...

    no, really.  lately i've been so deprived of sleep that i have been sleeping through my first two alarm clocks and waking up panicked ten minutes before i have to leave for school/work/volunteer work, which has forced me to switch to late night showers and neglect my exercising.  i know that exercising is supposed to make you feel less tired, but i've been too tired to get exercising so i won't feel as tired.  today, i woke up NOT feeling like crap because for the first time in two months, i was able to sleep.  and i mean sleep.  no going to bed worried and not being able to fall asleep because deadlines and responsibilities and conversations of deadlines and responsibilities were buzzing around my head.  last night i fell asleep at around 7 or 7:30pm and did not wake up--well, except for that one time @ 2:30am when louie woke me up to ask if i had any work to do, so sweet of him--until 6:40am!!!!  good Lord, thank you!  i needed that.  for once, my head feels clear and my eyelids are not heavy, and i don't feel nauseated.  i'm sure this feeling will not last long because finals are coming up and i'll be stressed about reading at Word!Night and at the Senior Seminar Conference, but ohmigosh this feels so good!  hope you all have a morning like this is in the near future, or at least have had it in the recent past.


    update:  i worked out!  woohoo!  i did "abs flex," "buns toner," and "arm and leg combo" on my quick fix DVD.  yay getting sleep!