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From Go-Quiz.com

pheremonally icky.

according to some studies i researched a couple years ago, women are more libidinal when they are ovulating. during this time, male sweat--which is usually vile and disgusting--becomes attractive. another study i read discovered that based on sweaty white t-shirts, that were rated by women indepently of photographs of the men, women can tell if a guy is attractive or not. the sweaty t-shirts (au naturel, btw; no cologne deordorant or anything--just pure mansweat) that the women rated as more attracted were worn by the men whose photographs they also rated as more attractive. apparently, guys with symmetrical faces/bodies won out, because it is a sign of genetic strength.

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so what can we glean from this information?

guys, to get a girl to jump your bones--or bone (teehee)--figure out her menstrual cycle and be all sweatly around her when she's ovulating.

girls, if you find yourself strangely attracted to a sweaty man, try to resist the urge. depending on your reproductive system, bonking a man during this time could get you knocked up.

if you're not symmetrical, try to fake it. but be forewarned that a women's smelling and apparently pheremonal detecting senses are most sensitive when their about to get their periods.

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okay. i'm going to hip hop to the shower and head over to USF. maybe i'll find a switch or really strong twig that can use to beat these boys into getting their papers done. then again, as i told vic, they could probably palm my head and throw me out the window.

ps. wish louie luck at jury duty. he's been there since nine o'clock and he might actually have to serve on a trial! eep!

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just a warning that my more consistent xanga-ing is at a end for at least this week. alas, my parents have run off to texas with my laptop and i won't have it back until this weekend. why must i feel guilty for saying, "no"--i didn't even say it; i said, "i'm kinda attached to my laptop"--and take it back and say, "okay"?

morbid curiosity, i guess.

i remember sitting on a couch with louie during the first year of our relationship and looking through one of his yearbooks.  on each page, i would ask him to point out which girls he used to like. 

after that, everytime we talked to or ran into one of these girls, i would wonder and i'd feel jealous.  the hard thing is that i could never hate any of the girls he liked--they are gorgeous, sweet, funny; some of them were my friends, at least acquaintances/classmates.  eventually i got over most of them. except for one that is on a pedestal even in my mind, and that is because she was a crush that recurred in the second or third year of my relationship with louie, which says so much about that kind of person she is.  louie is not one to like girls who are stupid or shallow or insincere or stupid or slutty or who have any other quality that would make it jusitifiable for me to silently talk shit in my head everytime i saw her. 

it'd be easier if he were eyeing some dumb slut, because then i'd know that he'd have no reason to regret not having the chance to pursue her; the emotional and pyschological interest wouldn't be there.  she'd just be eye candy; the whole i wanna look but i wouldn't touch, thing.  i did use to get jealous whenever i'd see his eyes follow a pretty girl walking by, but if that girl was pretty enough for me to notice, why shouldn't he?  eye candy is just that, and now physical attractiveness is more like a game with me.  i like trying to guess whether he thinks a girl is pretty or not and i've developed a pretty good sense of his tastes, just as he knows when i find someone attractive. 

but liking is so much more.  and i don't know why i ever let myself find out who he liked before we got together.  that was just stupid, because now everytime i see ___________, i wonder.  because she's the one he wanted first and there was something special there.  a part of me still wonders whether he should be with that other person and not me, and i'm not so sure that will ever go away, because this girl, too, is a person i admire.

yes, i've been with him for five years, a couple more weeks than that even.  but that doesn't mean that all insecurities will die down; the more superficial ones, yes; the ones that occur in the beginning of a relationship, before trust and understanding develop, yes.  when one has something that is very precious, fears are inevitable.  i've just learned to accept that emotions are not things to be controlled; you can't help how you feel.  what you can determine is how you will act.  i choose the more mature action of calmly xanga-ing about, rather than whining, brooding, and questioning by myself until i feel so hurt that i blame louie for it when it is not his fault.  that was high school and early college crystal.  this is mature, articulate, collected college graduate crystal . 

   

 

 happy birthday, rae rae!

me and my ballers.

i'm so proud of them.  one started typing up his paper and has more than half of it written.   another had started his introduction--finally--and began the body of his paper today.  another one, who was in LA from Thursday to Tuesday, has started writing, as well.  they can talk the papers, it's just getting the talk organized and written down and all MLA-ed up.  this seems to be one of their favorite phrases--not to me, of course, oh hell no:  "man, shut your bitch ass up," and it's variant, "man, shut your hoe ass up."  when do they say it?  whenever another one of them starts to talk.  as in, ballah 1: "hey crystal, can you help with this--"; ballah 2 cuts in: "man, shut your bitch as up."   or ballah 3: "crystal, how do you spell --"; ballah cuts in  2: "man, shut your hoe ass up."  before we left ballah 1 says, "Watch when Crystal goes home someone's gonna say something and she's gonna say 'Man, shut your hoe ass up."  and i'm like, "i already say that."

at first, i must admit that i was a little intimidated after talking to Dr. Hill and seeing the paper topics.  the first day of tutoring was whack because only one of them was there.  tuesday was disappointing because the one that went to LA wasn't back yet and the one who's usually late hadn't read like he said he would.  wednesday was better, especially because Dr. Hill extended the due date of the paper from tomorrow to next week.  it was intimidating watching ballah 2 walk up to the library--since i hadn't met him yet--and he was just so freakin' tall and big.  ballah 3 is superfreaking tall, too and it was weird walking around with him that first day.  ballah 1 was the MVP and he's a slacker.  did i mention that these boys are being scouted and that this fall is their senior year? 

today was great because they were all writing and talking about the books, even with their "man, shut the fuck up"'s and "shut your hoe ass up";s and shut your bitch ass up"'s.  hopefully tomorrow will be just as productive and they'll actually make use of the time over the weekend.             

Sonnet 55 "Not marble nor the gilded monuments"
William Shakespeare

Not marble, nor the gilded monuments
   Of princes, shall outlive this powerful rhyme;
But you shall shine more bright in these contents
   Than unswept stone, besmear'd with sluttish time.
When wasteful war shall statues overturn,
   And broils root out the work of masonry,
Nor Mars his sword nor war's quick fire shall burn
   The living record of your memory.
'Gainst death and all oblivious enmity
   Shall you pace forth; your praise shall still find room,
Even in the eyes of all posterity
   That wear this world out to the ending doom.
So, till the judgment that yourself arise,
   You live in this, and dwell in lovers' eyes.

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so i've been archiving my xanga entries on my computer and plan to someday start printing them out and making a journal out of them.--

  o_O i just now realized that i dripped some  strawberry jam on one of my pillows and on a couple of my pillowcases.  great.  i was freaked out at first because i felt something sticky on my thumb and i noticed the red and then saw my pillow case and i was like "what?? did i have a nosebleed in my sleep and not even notice?"  but then i smelled it and it is jam.  must go clean that up. --

okay i'm back.  so i was saying.  last year i thought, "hey, why don't i save the comments, too?"  but then i was like, "man that's hella entries to sift through."  but now, i'm like "heck if i could do that with a year's worth of entries, i can do that with 2 1/2 years worth of comments."  so be forewarned that any comments you make will be semi-immortalized on my hard drive and later in print. 

 

so today is tutoring day 4 and hopefully i will finally meet tyrone; he is so behind that it really worries me.  i start one of my RA-ships today and will meet with the second professor on Friday.  busy, busy, busy already.  the boys' papers are due on Friday.  i have a meeting at 10:30am with aforementioned professor and then will meet with the guys at 12pm to clean up and make any final changes to their paper.  i'm supposed to go to star & cheston's wedding rehearsal on Friday, which is in Vacaville and starts at 4pm.  don't know if that's gonna happen.  but i can probably show up early and help decorate the reception area on the actual wedding day.  oh yeah, some of you may know about how i was trying to do americorps.  i didn't get around to the notre dame mission volunteers separate application packet because of school and stuff, so i emailed the volunteer coordinator to ask if there were any more positions available in the are and she said only in watsonville.  so i just planned to try again next year, but the bay area coordinator--who i emailed during spring break about if there was anything special to do to get placed in SF--recently emailed me and said that that he still had a few openings, so hopefully that works out.