February 3, 2004

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  boys will probably not want to read, because they lack the understanding for "feminine dilemmas." (of course, you exceptions are duly noted.) in my painting class we're working on this really cool still life that's made of huge gardening/backyard stuff (pitchfork, shovel, watering can, lantern, etc.). was enjoying just playing with brushstrokes and color when i began feeling some pain and some drips. i was thinking that it was all good because i had semi-prepared with a liner, but then i had forgotten to throw a pad in my bag because i was running late for class (i had a feeling i would be getting it within 4-5 hours--weird i know. shoulda put one on this morning, but i was dumb). usually they have some in a basket thingy in the bathroom, but they didn't. started walking to work and i could feel it getting heavier. by the time i got to the bathroom at work--yes, they had pads! the icky kinds w/o dry-weave, but at least they had them. i can't do tampons. makes me feel sick! (sometimes i think that i might be part lesbian, because the idea of the mechanics of heterosexual sex kinda grosses me out; then again, i think i might just be a normal girl who's freaked out by the other that is maleness (yes, to me, it's man who is other. i know me.) even just the idea of male anatomy grosses me out. and it's worse when you apply to boys. e.g., Brad Pitt has a penis! doesn't that just change things? or how about Frodo? Frodo has a penis! ew! ew!) anyway--i had stained through the crotch of my pants. so i try to semi-clean up what i can. try to get through work, but alas. i haven't taken The Pill (it's so funny how it's been dubbed that name!) in 2 months because I've been too lazy to order my refill (no it's not for sex, didn't you just read my feelings on that?!), so I have to pay with naseau and dizziness and weakness. i think i get semi-anemic or something because i start getting shakes and feel like i'm gonna vomit and/or pass out, so i need to sleep for 4-5 hours and then i wake up feeling better. so i call louie and i'm feeling so crappy that i can't walk straight and he picks me up and i clean up and sleep. and here i am blogging. of course, the cramps hurt like no other, which makes me fear childbirth, and i want to adopt anyway. after i post this blog, i'm ordering my yasmin. maybe i should look into that patch thingy.

  • 9:38 pm
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