although we didn't end as strongly as i would have liked, i am grateful for such an exciting season, and for being able to witness such an amazing accomplishment in both the warriors' and in nba history. i can't wait 'til next season .

last week an escalade tried making a u-turn on turk st (near USF - my alma mater) and ended up hitting a pathfinder, which jumped the sidewalk, ran over the Dean of the School of Education's wife, killing her on the spot, and pinning another guy against a house.

this past monday, jennifer candari, a girl i went to high school with (along with some of you xangans) passed away after being struck in a head on collision with a guy driving 80mph on the wrong side of the road on Highway 12 as he was trying to pass some other cars up. I thought I'd pass on this information (jen's sister sent it to mark m) in case any of you can make it:

VISITATION: Thursday and Friday 9AM-9PM
1000 Redwood Street
Vallejo, Ca. 94590
VIGIL: Friday 7PM
MASS: Saturday 1 PM St. Basil’s 1230 Nebraska St.
BURIAL: All Souls 

lookie what I found on craigslist:

Open Auditions: Hip Hop Music Video

---

Reply to: madelynnkenoly@gmail.com
Date: 2007-03-02, 11:34AM PST

Looking for the following crew members for a music video with a shoot date of March 17, 18, and 19th.

- Director of Photography

- Gaffers

- Grip

Also casting for:

Casting Call for unique individuals ages 18-30 to star in TOPKAT’s second music video that is MTV, VH1-bound.
Looking for young men and women 18-30 years of age of all ethnicities,
who possess a unique look and style that depict any of the categories
below:

- eye candy

- hip hop

- punk rock

- skaters

- reggae

- B-boys/B-girls

- graffiti artists

- hyphy

Auditions will be held on Sunday, March 4 from 11:00AM to 4:00PMat the address below. If interested, please bring a headshot/zed card with you. Bring yourself as you are.

California Executive Board Room

Courtyard Marriott

1000 Fairgrounds Dr.

Vallejo, CA 94589

For more information, please email madelynn@groundbasics.com

**This is an unpaid gig. Credit and a DVD copy of the video will be given to those chosen.

Groundbasics Media Group

• Location: Vallejo, CA
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 287266994

i feel incomplete. directionless. it doesn't seem like a good place to be at the beginning of a new year, but i think it is. there have been so many times when i thought i knew what i was doing, where i was going. then all of a sudden i find myself in a completely different place than where i had wanted, expected, hoped to be. i guess i get so caught up planning that things tend not to get carried through. i get so involved in writing and re-writing the lists that comprise my life that i never get around to doing these things. i think that's probably the best way in which i can describe where i am. a stack of loose leaf pages filled with check-lists that are lacking in the definitive presence of checkmarks, signs of completion, of accomplishment.

i think part of this is because i do too much. my time is so filled. i think maybe that's why i always try to force louie to just sit with me. he gets so frustrated sometimes because he's bored. maybe's that's why i don't mind the long commute to both of my jobs. the bus rides are my quiet time. these past few days my physical health kept me from going to work. i jammed my wrist. my two month cough culminated in a chest x-ray, a new set of inhalers, and antibiotics that have been making me nauseous to the point of vomitting. albeit the physical discomfort, however, i finally feel like i'm getting a sense of myself back. that i'm close to regaining my center. i needed that stillness. i feel so much like old-fashioned taffy forever getting stretched out by that weird spinning machine.

not to long ago i received the following email. and not surprisingly, it's a list. however, unlike the ones that i use to try to manage my time in ways that are actually, well, quite unmanageable... some of these things make me feel anchored and secured, some help me feel a sense of underlying direction no matter where things are presently going, and some just make me . it's good to see how some things stay the same and to know that some things won't.

---

Greetings from your past. In the fall of 2005, you agreed to receive this message, which has been preserved for a year in the Forbes.com E-Mail Time Capsule. For more details, visit http://www.forbes.com/capsule

Here is the text of your message:

1) Your greatest passion is writing. I hope you haven't forgotten.

2) You're in love with Louie and have been since 11th grade.

21) I call Louie's mom Yori but don't call Louie's dad anything.

22) Kodoben, Toby, Snoopy, Mr. Hoppity, Bubbaluscious, Siren, other girl whose name I've forgotten, Bear, Prince, Mara, Mut-Mut, Bruno, Basil, Carnataur, Skunk, Female, Caspian, Angel... do you remember the species of each of these pets?

25) There is one weiner in my apartment

26) Some movies/shows/books you liked: Wedding Day, Lost, Cold Case, House, A Room with a View, We Were the Mulvaneys, The Lost Boy, Animal Planet's The Most Extreme, Food Network, TLC What Not to Wear & 10 Years Younger, Closer, Love Actually, Connie & Carla, The Story of Us, The Other Sister, White Chicks

27) Are you happy?

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1. http://music.yahoo.com/mygrammymoment
2. click the "most recent" tab
3. click on "6" update: click on "13" update: click on "19"
   
4. click" mic1one"

some of yous may recognize =)

right now he's also showing up on the featured page, so thanks to all who've been watching/listening

Happy Holidays, everyone. Hope this season brings all of you some joy, peace, and comfort.

During the drive home to San Francisco last night I brought up how the memory of physical pain is not the same as actually feeling it again. Your recollection is of the idea of pain, of how (as Louie put it) it hurt. I asked him why emotional pain is different. I asked him, “How come when you remember emotional pain it hurts all over again?” Louie answered, “Because emotional wounds never really heal.”

The hurt from when my grandmother died still feels fresh, still feels raw. And with all that’s happened, that is happening, it’s like the cut is getting deeper. I’m not scarred. Because before you can scar, your wounds need to close.

When Micah’s mother died—No, even before. As she was fighting for life in the hospital and had a tube in her lungs helping her breathe and we found out her kidneys had been eaten away. As she smiled through the pain even though her new life meant spending three days out of each week in dialysis and having to give up the independence that defined who she was to the two sons she had raised on her own. As she found herself gasping for the final breath in the same hospital where I told my grandmother that it was okay for her to go, even though, secretly, I was terrified of life without her physical presence. The hurt tore even more open. The hurt of seeing Auntie Mona suffer. The hurt of seeing the pain in her loved ones’ faces as they pulled strength from sources within themselves that they probably didn’t even know existed. The hurt of remembering how even when you think you’re prepared, the grief still runs you over. And you’re left dazed and lost, and the only thing you know as real is the ache, the loss, the emptiness that feels more tangible than the metaphor presumes.

By some grace of God, the ambulance bringing Louie’s grandmother to the hospital pulled in front of us while we were on the freeway, even though we had left later than everyone else. The light was on in the back and we could see her so clearly on the gurney as we followed. She had an oxygen mask over her face. Her eyes were shut and her face showed only the slightest hint of discomfort. Everything looked white on her side of the ambulance. I think the peacefulness of this image scared me. I was crying and yelling at her through the windshield and clutching Louie’s hand as we recited prayers that I’d almost forgotten. Sometimes, it feels like I’m only grasping at faith because I’ve been so shaken.

I’m so thankful that she is stable now, that she got to the hospital in time, that she is smiling and making inappropriate jokes, like asking if her declining appetite means anorexia and saying that women get themselves into trouble because they have two sets of lips.  I’m also thankful for the security woman at the emergency room who came outside and tried to comfort me as I was crying against the wall, and who, even though only one visitor was allowed at a time, took me through a different door to see Louie’s grandmother.

I am still aching. I’m aching for my grandmother. I’m aching for Auntie Mona. And I’m still scared. I’m afraid that this hurt I’ve been nursing over the past three years will grow wider and tear deeper into me. But I guess there is some comfort to be found in knowing that these kinds of wounds will never heal; it means that I’ll never forget, that I’ll always remember.

At 10:30pm tonight, Auntie Mona found peace in passing from this life into the next. Though the loss is painful, we know that she has found peace through the grace of our merciful Lord and that she is no longer suffering the hardships of this world. Please keep her, Micah, Angelo, and the rest of their family in your thoughts and prayers.

I decided to revamp and clean up my xanga skin on Saturday and was really disgusted at the ugly coding.  I didn't know anything about CSS before, so I copied a skin and did some editing in front page or dreamweaver (i don't remember; it had been so long!). It ended up being a mess of syntactically incorrect ugliness.

So I'm starting the third week of my marketing internship at Potrero Media Corporation, and it's been really good. I'm enjoying what I'm doing and learning all kinds of interesting SEO and SEM stuff. And I'm not going home exhausted everyday. At first it was weird being surrounded by adults and no kids, but in a good way. It's a pretty chill environment (I can wear sneakers to work, woohoo!), and it's good mix of personalities. It's good.

I'm still going back to St. Charles next school year, but I'll still be working part-time at Potrero Media. If I hadn't already signed the contract back in April or May (before I interviewed here), I'd probably be having second thoughts and just want to stay full-time through at least the Fall. But I still do enjoy working with the kids, so one more year is cool.

The teaching credential thing is out. I decided that I didn't want to spend the time or the money to get the credential because teaching burns me out... my personality is just not built for constant interaction. I'm also putting the Child Development stuff on hold because I need to take a break and not spread myself out so much.

I still plan on finishing the Web Site Development Techniques certificate (which I can do mostly online). I'm also thinking of taking some design and some programming classes to try to figure out which direction to go.

We'll see where this marketing thing leads me.